Our 27th spotlight in the FACES OF HOPE: WE DO RECOVER series will focus on Kevin Horn’s story, God wants to Restore and Transform
I grew up in a great Christian family and honestly believed I would never struggle with addiction. The signs were all around me! I watched family members and friends spiral out of control BUT that would never happen to me. I had a false sense of security that I could become involved in whatever made me feel good and have little to no consequences.
My story begins by smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol during my junior and senior year in high school. It quickly progressed to taking Lortab and Percocet. I remember taking a Lortab out of my father’s pill bottle and crushing it on a metal folding chair in the garage. I remember the internal struggle and telling myself, “this is something you don’t need to do”. My rebellious side presented itself and that thought was quickly erased by the high. I recognized that my “moral compass” was pointing in the wrong direction and within a couple years, I succumbed to the feelings of despair and hopelessness.
Even though I knew I was morally, spiritually, and emotionally bankrupt, I continued to pursue every doctor that would write large scripts and the lifestyle of hustling for whatever I could get my hands on that would temporarily ease the pain associated with full blown addiction. I continued to manipulate every person I could in efforts of getting the next pill or keep from getting arrested. I longed to regain my integrity and find the fun-loving, respectable person that I knew was inside. I had tried numerous times to “work” my way back to the person I knew I should, and could, be.
Deep down, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my relationship with Jesus Christ was the answer to overcoming the guilt and shame that fueled my addiction. I wasn’t just unworthy, I had repeatedly turned my back on Him and those that loved me. Would I ever have a meaningful existence and enjoy the simple things in life? Is there real hope for me? Can I be forgiven? With my arms raised in the air, YES! Through relentless prayers by my parents, sister, and their church members, I entered Isaiah House Recovery Center on May 14, 2012 and began the journey to sobriety. Honoring my commitment to a long term residential program was difficult and I wanted to quit numerous times. Through the love and support of my family, staff, and peers, I was able to feel comfortable addressing personal issues and learning to walk with Christ on a daily basis. I thank God for His grace and mercy and I also thank Christ-centered programs for combining evidence based practice with biblical principles and scripture. It literally saved my life!
Describe your aha moment
I experienced many aha moments but refused to truly apply myself in lasting, positive change. The last aha moment was being in Western Regional Jail on a $100 bond for possession. I had $176 in my wallet in booking and all I needed was a third party to sign and pay the bond with my money. My parents had finally decided to quit enabling me and none of my “friends” would make the two hour trip. I experienced a roller coaster of emotions during that period and finally realized that I had two choices, get clean or live a miserable lonely existence until I died. I still thank my parents every chance I get for saving my life by not enabling me this time.
Describe the feelings and emotions while in active addiction?
I commonly felt shame, guilt, hopelessness, despair, broken, and at times I felt unwanted and unlovable.
What is the driving force that keeps you going when times get tough?
My relationship with Christ, my amazing wife and family, being a part of something bigger than myself, and those little things in life that I took for granted for so many years. The clients, coworkers, and friends that might benefit from my sobriety is another external motivation that I’m blessed with on a daily basis.
What advice do you have for the addict that is still struggling?
There’s hope, REAL HOPE! Do whatever it takes to make that first step into Christ-centered treatment and stay connected. You can have a great life!
What obstacles or roadblocks have you encountered along your recovery journey?
As God restored all aspects of my life, it was difficult for me to remain still, fully submit, and not impose my will as He opened doors to a successful, fulfilling and abundant life. While struggling with the calling to serve others with life-controlling issues, my flesh still wanted the path of least resistance and less accountability. Practicing humility, gratitude, perseverance, and dedication required continual prayer and inventory of character defects.
What is something you want people who have never struggled with addiction to know?
I would remind people that an addict/recovering addict is someone’s child, parent, sibling, friend, coworker, and/or church member. Educate yourself with new information and evidence based research on addiction and how it impacts all facets of life. Remind yourself that there’s an amazing person beneath the bondage of addiction and that you can have a substantial positive impact on an addict’s life.
What advice do you have for family members of person in active addiction?
Talk to professionals and become educated about how to love your family member without enabling them. Find knowledgeable sources of support and don’t be ashamed. A common saying in recovery is that we’re only as sick as our secrets. This can apply to family members as well.
Closing thoughts:
Through faith and action, there is real hope! The number of people in recovery is growing daily so surround yourself with people moving in the right direction and discover the life you didn’t believe was possible.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, please call Addiction Recovery Care at 606.638.0938 or visit them on the web at www.arccenters.com. You can also contact Isaiah House at 859.375.9200 or at www.isaiah-house.org.
There is hope. There is help.
