Our nineteenth spotlight in the FACES OF HOPE: WE DO RECOVER series will focus on Tony Stepp’s story, “AGAINST ALL ODDS.”
My name is Kenneth Anthony Stepp, although most of you know me as Tony. To explain who I am is still something that is difficult for me. You see, all through my life I have searched for who I am. Experiencing a childhood plagued with loss, including the loss of both parents, left me feeling lost. Trying to feel that void in my life is what lead me to using drugs. In my teen years, it was hard to always explain why I had an “uncle and aunt” while most had a “mom and dad.” This made me strive to feel a part of something, so when it came to experiencing with drugs it was easy to fit in with the crowd. Drugs enabled me to mask who I was and for a short time filled the void in me. I believe all addicts have this void. I didn’t even realize that drugs were taking away everything that I held dear about my character. I lost all of my integrity and morals. I developed a complete disregard for anyone else’s feelings. All I cared about was getting my next high.
I may not have known who I was, but God had a plan for me. In order to explain who I am, I must tell you what and who God placed in my life that saved me. In 2012 I met Rocky Meadows and went to The Lifehouse. At the time it seemed like a joke to me, however, God was working in my life. I began to see all the miracles in my life. The comradery I felt there with my brothers is something I cannot put into words. I began to love those guys! I slowly surrendered my life to God and was able to love again. I was taught by a close friend, Rod Davis, what it is to be a Christian and all about grace and mercy.
I wish I could tell you I have been clean and sober since then, on but May 19th, 2014 I lost my twin brother and this was extremely hard for me. I left The Lifehouse and slowly lost who I was again. You see I was able to bury my brother clean and sober. If it wasn’t for the grace of God and with people like Rocky Meadows and some of my family doing God’s work I could have never done this. Soon after, I stopped following God and I relapsed. I can tell you that I have been in and out of jails and prisons my whole life, but I have never been in a darker place then when I relapsed. I would go to bed nightly hoping not to wake up and face another day of addiction, but God had other plans for me. I knew that He was with me I just wouldn’t allow myself to do his will. As my good friend Rocky always says, “God does for us what we can’t do for ourselves.” So I was placed exactly where I needed to be to stop using. A place where all I had was him. I never thought regaining what I lost in my relapse was possible, but God has blessed me with all of that and more. So with God today, I have a family that loves me, a great job, people that not only trust me, but depend on me, and I am able to share my story with fellow addicts and do Gods work. To me, this is a greater high than drugs could ever give me. So no doubt if God could transform this ex-con, thief, and junkie into a man, a father, a friend, and all these other things I never thought were possible, there is no limit. Today as I sit and write this, I have a lot of material things, but the love I have in my home is endless. We strive to do Gods will together and life seems to just fall right into place in a great way. I know this is only the beginning. I can truly tell you that today I am happy… and for my fellow addicts, you know this is hard to say. So who am I today? I’m a dad, a boyfriend, a friend, a taxpayer, and a child of God that is recovering from active addiction.
Describe your Aha moment.
My Aha moment came to me while sitting in a jail cell, I realized that I was happier in jail then the person I was in active addiction. I sat and prayed for God to allow me to leave this lifestyle because I knew I was designed for more. I knew that I was not created to be a low life thieving junkie. I was capable of sharing Gods word and showing off his power.
Describe the feelings and emotions during active addiction
Personally I didn’t have any emotions during active addiction other than anger. Drugs made it impossible for me to experience feelings until I didn’t have any drugs left, then I would feel angry at myself and at life.
What is the driving force that keeps you going when times get tough?
In my addiction I was incapable of loving someone. Today I have a family and when times get tough, I look at my family knowing they depend on me and the love that we have for each other. My girlfriend and our babies mean the world to me and I know that I could never be the man they deserve if I was using or active in my addiction.
What is something that you want people who have never dealt with addiction to understand?
People have a misconception that addicts don’t love them due to their actions. This isn’t the case, addicts are almost incapable of showing love during active addiction. When you aren’t loving yourself then you are unable to love others. Their actions are controlled by the overwhelming desire to use and this controls everything.
What advice do you have for a person’s family that’s still in active addiction?
Be a support system when they make the decision to better themselves. Until they make that decision you have to refraain from enabling them. They are going to use you and hurt you, but this is the disease of addiction, not your loved one. Tough love was always a big help for me.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, please call Addiction Recovery Care at 606.638.0938 or visit them on the web at www.arccenters.com.
There is hope. There is help.
